cuntery.

uggggggggggggggggh

I haven’t updated this in forever so that means I probably can just say whatever and assume no one’s reading it.  Holy shit does everything suck balls right now!  That’s all I have.  Once things stop sucking balls, I’ll be sure to update.

Just had my portrait taken for my blog.

bonita:

Let me just say that it is a very humbling experience to look at 85 close-ups of your face and have to pick the least offensive one. Oh, man.

I’m going to take this opportunity to take something someone else experience and make it all about myself.  While I haven’t done any elaborate photoshoots for the BOH (though I am sure my debonair visage is the reason people go there), I do remember the photoshoot I did for my headshots when I was a freshman in college.

I was young, pretty, and full of confidence.  I also had a leather jacket, earrings, and lips poutier than a dozen old ladies filled with collagen.  Looking back on the photos, as I did this week while packing for the upcoming move, is just kind of embarrassing.  Some shots looked great.  Perhaps, if used, I could have been utilized as a young James Dean…rebellious, causeless.  Others looked completely ridiculous; me trying to be “warm” for commercial headshots is not something that should ever be foisted onto society.  In any situation.

i just want to throw something out there that no one will care about

I’ve been kind of avoiding writing about this, partially because I don’t want to jinx it and partially because I’m not sure anybody reading this would care because it’s a part of my life that’s not something to laugh at. But I am absolutely and completely smitten with someone.

After months of dating around dozens of girls and finding myself, at best, briefly infatuated, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I’m not capable of finding someone who can keep up with me. Mentally, intellectually, physically…I’m a lot to handle. I have high standards and really expect nothing but the best for myself. I don’t accept mediocrity in any other aspect of my life. Why would I accept it from a woman?

And then, in the strangest way possible, I found someone who’s my equal in every way. Smart, beautiful (probably less so than me, but it’s comparable), strong, and completely entertaining. I haven’t felt so in synch with anyone in a long time, if ever.

I know this is dull. And I know it’s not even remotely close to cuntery (though I guess the fact that I would feel compelled to shout this to the world is), but I can’t shake this feeling.

It makes me feel weak. To know that someone can affect your day with their presence or lack thereof is a powerful thing. As a strong male, you want to be in control. But at the same time, I’m usually in control. And it bores me. So now there’s a woman who makes me feel amazing, but powerless. Enamored, but confused. It’s the most amazing thing to me to finally feel like I’ve lost control, yet continue to want more.

I’m completely smitten.

the time has come

After a longstanding, slightly irrational hatred of Arrested Development, I’ve decided I’m going to allow it a chance to entertain me.  I’m getting seasons one and two and I will keep an OPEN MIND and wait to be entertained.

For those not up on their Christory, I’ve long-loathed Arrested Development.  I didn’t join the show at the onset.  After hearing the heaps and heaps of praise, I gave it a chance for a couple episodes (non-sequential).  I was bored to tears throughout both.  But granted, when people overly love things, I’m inclined to hate them.

I am going in.  Unsullied.  Objective.  And we shall see if this will win me over.

bloghawk down: day 2

BOH is still down.  My requests for aid from my host have as yet gone unfulfilled.  There appears to be no tangible reason why it’s still down.  Perhaps it’s exhaustion.  Perhaps I haven’t been loving it tenderly enough.  Every day it’s down, money goes out of my pocket.  It flies away like a sad little bird.  But even more than that, where can I call someone fat if the blog ceases to work?  I’m heartbroken.

the blog is down

Ugh I have no fucking clue why.  And my fag roommate is singing really loudly and obnoxiously (and offkey…he thinks he’s a good singer. SPOILER ALERT: He’s not).

On the plus side, I am smitten.  Not with the roommate or my Web site’s server.  Keep that under your hat.

a hate crime

I’ve written about this on the BOH before but holy shit I want to bludgeon my roommate about the head.  You should know by now that we do not share toilet paper because his loose gay anus makes it so that he uses literally rolls at a time.  After a lady friend spent the night last night, she left a FULL ROLL OF TOILET PAPER in the bathroom.  I come home at about 3:00 (3 hours after leaving here with her) and the entire roll is GONE.  GONE.  JUST CARDBOARD.

How the fuck is that physically possible?  What the fuck is he doing with it?  Shoving it all up his ass like a chipmunk storing nuts?  Wrapping himself in it and pretend he’s a mummy?  What the FUCK?  ARGGGGGGGH

ugh i haven't been tumbling at all

Rest assured, my Cuntery is continuing on at an extravagant pace.  By now, you hopefully know that this is just like a bonus dose of Chris and not anything worthwhile.  Uh.  I mean it is worthwhile.  But only if you’re a Chris Completist.  Like so many women!  And men (I’ve been drunk a lot)!  So let’s see what I can do tomorrow.  For tomorrow is a new day!

so this day didn't FEEL super

Super Tuesday is absolutely false advertisement.  PS A vote for Hillary is the cuntiest vote you can make.