my adventures in cuntery

Blogofhilarity.com editor Chris brings a whole lot of cuntery to Tumblr. | Email Chris, roomtonecs[at] blogofhilarity[dot]com
Tue May 20

jet blue at jfk, may 20

Hate kids who share no genetic composition with me.  A small colored child just stood up next to me and stared at me.  I love kids…who are related to me or whom I’m employed to deal with.  But not you.  Sorry Jaykwon.
Mon May 19

v train, may 19 in the am

Relatively packed train going uptown.  A little Dominican dude is playing with his Blackberry standing next to me.  I see him start to fall over because he sucks at life and can’t stand on a train.  I take a step to the side because I don’t want him to touch me as he loses his balance.  Didn’t think he’d fall all the way, but he did.  Not my job to support you dude.
Sun May 18

lit, saturday may 17

Saw cute-ish girl in a fedora. I went up to her, asked if I could wear the fedora. After some talk, she gave it up. As I rejoiced in my victory over womankind with the fedora on my head, I then saw the real reason she had a hat: the fedora was hiding an atrociously high hairline. Quickly returned the fedora and scurried away.

since no one really reads this now

I finally figured out what I can do with the heretofore wasted Cuntery.com…write about the dumb shit I do in very small bites! Dumb things with people, my own idiocy, etc. Yay. Thinking this’ll last like a week?
Fri May 16
Just two men walking down the street
Just two men walking down the street
Mon Apr 7

there is a retard living above me. seriously.

  • me: THE RETARD UPSTAIRS IS SO LOUD
  • I WANT TO KILL HIM
  • Carl: rofl
  • me: i told you about the retard right?
  • i forget
  • Carl: yeah, i heard him
  • me: haha
  • yeah
  • ugh
  • haha can i have like one normal apartment situation
  • Carl: you can complain!
  • me: sigh i may have to
  • this is ridiculous
  • he's just like yelling
  • and going 'HEEEEEEEEEH"
  • ...i feel like no one would believe me if i wrote about this on my blog
  • Carl: lol
  • me: HE JUST REPEATS STUFF
  • OVER AND OVER AGAIN
  • "blah blah blah. blah BLAH blah. blah BLAH BLAH."
  • STOP EMPHASIZING DIFFERENT THINGS
  • HATE YOU
  • Carl: i'm sorry
  • i'm laughing
  • me: damn you
  • haha can i kill a retard and get away with it legally
  • i feel like it's a service
  • "DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO"
  • he just revved up for that one
Thu Mar 27

uggggggggggggggggh

I haven’t updated this in forever so that means I probably can just say whatever and assume no one’s reading it.  Holy shit does everything suck balls right now!  That’s all I have.  Once things stop sucking balls, I’ll be sure to update.
Sat Mar 8

Just had my portrait taken for my blog.

bonita:

Let me just say that it is a very humbling experience to look at 85 close-ups of your face and have to pick the least offensive one. Oh, man.

I’m going to take this opportunity to take something someone else experience and make it all about myself.  While I haven’t done any elaborate photoshoots for the BOH (though I am sure my debonair visage is the reason people go there), I do remember the photoshoot I did for my headshots when I was a freshman in college.

I was young, pretty, and full of confidence.  I also had a leather jacket, earrings, and lips poutier than a dozen old ladies filled with collagen.  Looking back on the photos, as I did this week while packing for the upcoming move, is just kind of embarrassing.  Some shots looked great.  Perhaps, if used, I could have been utilized as a young James Dean…rebellious, causeless.  Others looked completely ridiculous; me trying to be “warm” for commercial headshots is not something that should ever be foisted onto society.  In any situation.

Wed Mar 5

i just want to throw something out there that no one will care about

I’ve been kind of avoiding writing about this, partially because I don’t want to jinx it and partially because I’m not sure anybody reading this would care because it’s a part of my life that’s not something to laugh at. But I am absolutely and completely smitten with someone.

After months of dating around dozens of girls and finding myself, at best, briefly infatuated, I kind of resigned myself to the fact that I’m not capable of finding someone who can keep up with me. Mentally, intellectually, physically…I’m a lot to handle. I have high standards and really expect nothing but the best for myself. I don’t accept mediocrity in any other aspect of my life. Why would I accept it from a woman?

And then, in the strangest way possible, I found someone who’s my equal in every way. Smart, beautiful (probably less so than me, but it’s comparable), strong, and completely entertaining. I haven’t felt so in synch with anyone in a long time, if ever.

I know this is dull. And I know it’s not even remotely close to cuntery (though I guess the fact that I would feel compelled to shout this to the world is), but I can’t shake this feeling.

It makes me feel weak. To know that someone can affect your day with their presence or lack thereof is a powerful thing. As a strong male, you want to be in control. But at the same time, I’m usually in control. And it bores me. So now there’s a woman who makes me feel amazing, but powerless. Enamored, but confused. It’s the most amazing thing to me to finally feel like I’ve lost control, yet continue to want more.

I’m completely smitten.

Sat Mar 1

the time has come


After a longstanding, slightly irrational hatred of Arrested Development, I’ve decided I’m going to allow it a chance to entertain me.  I’m getting seasons one and two and I will keep an OPEN MIND and wait to be entertained.

For those not up on their Christory, I’ve long-loathed Arrested Development.  I didn’t join the show at the onset.  After hearing the heaps and heaps of praise, I gave it a chance for a couple episodes (non-sequential).  I was bored to tears throughout both.  But granted, when people overly love things, I’m inclined to hate them.

I am going in.  Unsullied.  Objective.  And we shall see if this will win me over.